When Teen Suicide is Close to Home

Kenny Wolf was 14, a freshman at Old Mill High School. My son was his classmate and friend. He committed suicide just over a week ago, for reasons that we will likely never fully understand.

Today we, along with about 300 others, attended his services. As a parent, this is one of the hardest things I've ever done - watching my son partake in the ritual of mourning and comforting with his friends and classmates. They all looked so young as they clung to one another. They all are so young - not so far into their teens. Lanky boys, patting each other on the back, holding back tears with grim nods and smiles. Girls holding hands and shaking with sobs, hugging one another. All of them trying to make sense of it.

Most of the adults in the room were careful bystanders - watching for signs one of the kids needed help, trying to find Kenny's parents and offer words of condolence when we know they are so insufficient. We were parents, school administrators, teachers, and church members. Most of us, myself included, cannot fathom what it feels like to be that parent, burying their child. Some of us, myself included, have been in those kids' shoes - mourning a friend or classmate who took their own life, but I suspect few of us had experienced it this young.

We bystanders watched, waiting for those kids to need us. We talked occasionally, trying to make sense from the senseless. We spoke of our fears for these kids: How would they handle their own anger? How would we keep them safe? How could we let them know they could reach out to us?

Thankfully, the minister spoke to us all in his message. He met us in our grief and confusion, starting with acknowledging that while none of us wanted to be there, we all needed to be there. Funerals are where we support each other, where we remember the good and acknowledge the imperfections and the mistakes made. And he started with the biggest mistake Kenny made - the mistake of thinking he had no option.

The ministers words are things any community in this situation needs to hear, so I'm sharing them here:

• There was nothing anyone could have done to stop Kenny. Even if someone were with with him every minute of every day, an impossible feat in itself, it would not have helped.
• Just because Kenny made this mistake, others don't have to. There is no problem, or set of problems, that can't be dealt with.
  
• There are many people who care and who are available to help.

We're home now, my son has invited some friends over tonight to game and I'm headed out for some retail therapy. We go back to "normal." And I say prayers for Kenny, his family, his friends, and our community.